i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
