oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
