Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
