dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
