I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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