today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
