glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
