She announced her abortion via fbk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
