Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
