it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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