I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
