I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
