Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
