She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
