Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
