I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
