You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
