The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
