We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
