Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
