youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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