He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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