I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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