I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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