drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
