is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just fell off a train. Bad.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
