And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
