where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
