i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
