a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
