did i walk over a car last night?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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