and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
