I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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