but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
