sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
