i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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