I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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