I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
