All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
