So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
