fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let's get the cat blown out
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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