Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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