My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
