Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
