Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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