Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
