We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
