Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
