IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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