We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
