How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
