yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
