Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
