I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
