my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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