I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
